The Brady Haunting
by zooman
Summary: The Brady Bunch decide to hold a seance one evening, with scary results!


The Brady Haunting

CALIFORNIA-1974-It was nightfall already that spring in that area of California. Six o clock in the evening in the Brady house. Carol Brady stood in the kitchen wearing an orange long sleeved shirt and wearing a white apron with a giant image of a strawberry in the centre of it. She had let her blonde hair grown long down her shoulders, two sterling silver, crescent moon shaped earrings on each of her ears. The white apron went down to her knees under her gray corduroy pants. She had on two yellow hot pan holders on both her hands, as she carefully opening the oven, and puling out a large, newly baked chocolate cake.

Her youngest daughter Cindy suddenly bounced into the kitchen, and moved right behind her. She too had long blonde hair down her shoulders, and over her purple sweater. "That looks yum mom!" exclaimed Cindy, licking her lips. Carol spun around and grinned kindly at Cindy. "Yes, isn't it?" agreed Carol as she blew all over the hot cake while slowly and cautiously setting it down on the counter, near where Cindy stood.

Her other daughter Jan happened to glance briefly into the kitchen. She pushed her hands into the pockets of her long, gray dress as she studied the freshly baked chocolate cake. Her blonde hair tied in a bun. "Looks good mom," she told Carol, just before darting out of the kitchen again.

The front door of the living room opened. Except for Cindy, the other Brady kids were all seated about the living room, quietly watching a football game on television. Mike Brady bounded cheerfully into the living room, grinning, carrying his briefcase in one hand, and a weird looking, large, metal square shaped object in his other hand. The object was decorated with a very, very illustration of a spectral figure wearing a dark green robe and hood, standing against a night backdrop. In the picture in the middle of the weird square object, the spectre appeared to be pointing with his right hand outwards: his hand was a white, ghostly type hand. Mike wore his best gray suit. "Hi kids!" he greeted everyone as he walked across the living room a little ways. The Brady kids all looked up from the ballgame and smiled and greeted Mike back. "HI DAD!" they all said loudly at once.

Greg and Peter then turned their attention quickly back to the ballgame on tv. The two young men sat together on the sofa. Greg had on a white pullover, with green sleeves and blue jeans, while Peter wore a black t shirt and blue jeans. "OH WOW!" shouted Peter excitedly, as he stood up and pointed at the tv screen. "DID YOU SEE THAT!? OJ-THE JUICE-JUST MADE A TOUCHDOWN ONLY BARELY BEING TACKLED BY IRONBULL MCCOY!" Peter looked about the living room with much energy. The other Brady kids were equally in awe at what was going on the screen. "OJ, MAKES HIS MIGHTY TOUCHDOWN!" The male newscaster's voice shouted from the tv, as the sounds of an audience clapped and cheered. Peter slowly sat down again, then looked up at Mike with a deep smile. "I'm in a good mood tonight Dad! That girl I've had a crush on for weeks, Shona Lindsey, has finally said she'll go out with me!" Peter beamed as his eyes went from both the ballgame on tv to Mike back and forth. Mike just smiled and dropped his briefcase down on the floor. "Oh...that's good son," he replied, not really sounding as if he was paying all that much attention. He held up the weird looking square board to his chest, and grinned broadly. He scratched his long, black curly hair with his left hand, then put his hand in his pants pocket. "HEY KIDS!" Mike shouted, grinning, "LOOK AT THIS!" "THE BUFFALO BILLS ARE REALLY ON THEIR WAY THIS TIME!" surmised the male newscaster's voice from the ball game on tv. Mike waved the weird looking square metal board around for all the Brady kids to see.

Carol and Cindy both came out of the kitchen and looked up in bewilderment at the unknown object Mike held before all of them. "Hi dear," greeted Carol, while she stared perplexed at the weird thing Mike was holding before everybody. Mike looked quite thrilled judging by the expression on his face. "What the heck is that?" Carol asked her husband, puzzled, while pushing her browridges together. Cindy looked just as puzzled as she looked right at the object.

Bobby and Marcia, who had both been sitting together at the end of the sofa with Greg and Peter-Marcia wearing brown slacks and a blue t-shirt with a large image of Paul Newman's face on the front of the shirt, while Bobby wore blue jeans and a dark blue and pink striped paid shirt.

Alice came slowly walking into the living room from the hallway wearing her usual blue dress. She looked mystified at the odd looking metal square Mike was holding up. "Hey Mr. Brady," said Alice while looking bewildered at the object. "What have you got there?"

Mike walked furthur into the living room and held up the weird object for everyone to see. "AND THAT'S IT FOR THE GAME!" the male newscaster's voice shouted excitedly from the tv screen, "FROM ALL OF US HERE AT..." Mike Brady turned his head, and reached down and switched off the tv. Peter glanced nervously at the huge clock on the wall. "She'll be here in an hour," he whispered in a chipper tone of voice to Greg, "after all the time I've had this crush on her." Mike stood in front of the tv set and held up the very strange looking metal square for all the Brady lot to see. "This, people, is what's called a spirit board. Or a ouija board." Mike smiled uneasily as he held the object at his chest level, with both hands, outwards for his whole family to see. "It's used to call up the beyond." Everybody just stood there, looking at the object in a mixture of awe and bewilderment. Everybody's mouth hung open. "I've read all about those things," said Greg, folding his hands over his left knee, "that's what parapsychologists use for seances." "Wow," said Marcia, impressed. "That thing looks really weird," noted Bobby. Mike shook the spirit board slightly, up and down. "I picked this up at Toys R Us on the way home from work, and I took it out of the box in the car," said Mike with a tone of uneasiness and curiousity. "I thought we might all have a seance this evening," decided Mike with unease, "I've always wanted too. It'll be fun." The Brady kids all began talking quietly amongst themselves. Peter looked at the clock again. "Ok, but not too late," Peter requested, "that girl I've had a crush on for so long, Shona Lindsey and I are going out tonight." Peter smiled. Carol walked very slowly towards Mike while staring at the ouija board with her mouth open in puzzlement. She finally changed her expression and grinned at Mike. "That sounds like a great idea!" Carol finally exclaimed. "Yeah," said Cindy. "Yes sir!" said Greg loudly, grinning. "Yes!" said Marcia, also grinning. "Wow!" included Alice, while slowly shaking her head. She finally grinned and walked furthur into the living room. "I'm in!" she concluded. Peter glanced a bit worriedly at the large clock on the wall at the left side of him. "Well I have an hour yet," Peter said. "Then we'll all eat!" Carol said, while clapping her hands together, "except Peter that is." Peter just chuckled and quickly got to his feet. "Let's get started," said Mike.

The living room was now very very dimly lit. It was darkness except for ten red candles situated all about the table. The entire Brady family, including Alice all sat around the dining room table all holding hands. The whole Brady bunch sat looking down at the spirit board lying in the middle of the table. The spirit board was directly in front of Mike. Mike wore a dark red robe. The elder Brady had his hands raised a little ways above the metal object. The green robed spectral figure illustration on the board seemed to be pointing at Mike. Tiger, the dog, lay sleeping on floor a little ways away from the dining room table. There was this lavender, circular wooden dial stuck on the spirit board just below the image of the spectre. The dial was decorated with every letter of the alphabet. " _OOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh spirits from the unknownnnnnnnn," M_ ike gave his opening line to the board in a loud, weird very, very, VERY eerie tone of voice, " _telllllllllllll me your darkest secrets from the other beyond! Telllllllllllllllllllll me what the future holds in store forrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr us Brady!"_ Mike's tone of voice became even eerier and stranger than ever. He slowly looked up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. " _Telllllllllllllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee whateverrrrrrrrrrrr spirit I communicate with, what do you see of what the future holds!"_ Mike looked back down at the ouija board, while slowly opening his hands. "I hope it's Shona Lindsey," said Peter wishfully. He sat across the table from Mike. Marcia who was sitting next to Peter jabbed him in the shoulder with her right forefinger. Carol and Alice sat together at the right end of the table looking down at the ouija board totally transfixed!

The, everybody gasped in surprise as the dial on the board below the picture of the robed spectre, began spinning around and around. Mike stared at the dial looking very astonished. He very, very slowly put his hands on the dial. _"The dial spells...e...x...p...l...o...d...e"._ Mike's voice was as eerie as could be as he spelled outloud the word spelled out on the dial. "Good god Mike!" implored Carol as she looked in shock down at the ouija board. Her mouth falling open in fear and shock. "This is farout man," said Greg nervously, as he took looked down at the board with his mouth falling open. The dial on the board stopped moving. Mike closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling once more. He raised his robed arms outwards. _"Thankkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk you oh spiritsssssssssssssssss from beyond! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"_ Mike gave his final line of dialogue in the loudest, eeriest tone of voice the Bradys had heard yet. The Bradys and Alice all trembled and shook at his tone of voice. "I wish I could see what time it is," said Peter, restlessly, moving about frantically in his chair. Marcia turned to look sternly at Peter and jabbed him in the shoulder with her finger again.

Mike stood up then and switched on the light switch on the wall behind him. He pulled off his red robe and hung it over the chair. Alice and Carol also got up out of their seats and Alice picked up the ouija board and carried it into the living room in her right hand and dropped it on the coffee table. "Man alive!" said Carol loudly, "creeped me out!" "Me too," said Greg while stretching his arms above his head, "let's eat." The other Brady kids just talked quietly amongst themselves, while Peter stood up, and Mike sat back down in his chair. Mike smiled eagerly. "Well that was fun wasn't?" he asked his family, who all gave him furtive glances amongst themselves. Mike just sneered and laughed. "Hahahahahahahhah! You lot just got no spirit of exploration. No pun intended!" He laughed at his own joke.

There was a knock on the front door. Peter practically bolted towards the door and whipped it open. A young, average heighted, short red haired, busty, curvy woman of about twenty or so-dressed in blue jeans and a blue t-shirt and blue vest to match the colour of her jeans, stood there in the doorway. "SHONA!" Peter exclaimed happily. "Hi Peter," Shona greeted him in her high pitched voice. Peter and Shona both hugged and kissed. Shona came into the living room a little ways and Peter turned to face his family in the dining room. "Shona and I will be home about tenish or so," assured Peter as he turned around and he and Shona walked out the door. "Ok!" shouted Carol, smiling, "no later than ten though!"

It was ten thirty at night. The front door opened and Peter and Shona both walked jauntily into the living room. "I had a great time tonight," Shona said in her high pitched voice. She and Peter kissed lightly on the lips. Peter enbraced her with both his hands running up and down her back. "I didn't think I'd enjoy watching a female mud wrestling match, but I really had a great time!" Shona and Peter kissed again. Peter laughed a little. "When the blonde woman held the red head down, and tried to stuff all that mud down her her throat...I...thought she was gonna choke right there on the stage!" Peter and Shona both laughed and kissed again. "Or when, after she won the match, the blonde one tore off her dress and did that nude jitterbug all over the stage while singing the song Calendar Girl, I thought she was going to slip and fall right on her backside!" laughed Peter as he and Shona kissed even more deeply on the lips. Peter then looked behind himself then made glances all about the living room. "Hey, I think everybody's asleep!" noticed the young Brady as he continued to embrace Shona. Shona put her arms around Peter's neck. "Well, why don't we take advantage of...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp! Sorry." Shona made some quiet belches, as she pulled Peter closer to her. "Yeah, I think mabey you had a bit too many beers tonight," muttered Peter as he looked at Shona a little more seriously. "I think forty beers is really your limit. When we stopped off at the bar for a few minutes after the match, I had no idea you'd drink that much. It's good I was driving," described Peter of the evening. "Well look...burrrrrrrrrp," said Shona romantically as she kissed Peter's nose,"why don't we jasssssst, burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp...tak advantage of the rest of the evening with everybody sound asleep." Shona shook her body drunkenly. Peter looked sternly at her. "Are you sure you're lucid enough?" "I'm fine," replied Shona. She and Peter both burst out giggling loudly then both of them moved towards the sofa.

It was pitch dark in the living room. It was past midnight and completely silent in the Brady house. Then there was a loud thumping kind of noise from inside the kitchen. Then, there was the sound of a very loud explosion from somewhere's in the kitchen!

The entire kitchen was a mess! Pots and pans were lying about everywhere! The fridge door was wide open! The oven door was wide open! The whole ceiling had caved in! The floor was sopping wet! The cabinet doors were torn off their hinges and lying about the whole kitchen!

All over the house, all of the Bradys were running down the halls or running down the stairs eitheir in their white nightgowns or in their brown or yellow or blue or grey bathrobes.

Mike and Carol Brady came charging out of their bedroom-Mike in his pink bathrobe and Carol in her light green bathrobe. "What's going on!" screamed Carol in horror as she and Mike both ran down the hallway and finally down the staircase together.

All the Bradys and Alice and Shona, just stood together in the ruined kitchen, quietly studying all the damage done, while looking scared and shaking in utter fear. The young policewoman stood in the middle of the kitchen in her blue uniform shaking her head and studying all the damage along with them. Her long black hair hung down her shoulders, and her round face was glowing with an expression of sheer terror. "Well folks! I don't think anyone snuck into your home and did this," she told the Bradys gathered about her, "there's no proof of a breakin," she figured out loud. "I got woke up by a loud noise of someone in the kitchen banging," recalled Bobby as he walked shakily, up and down past the wrecked cabinet. "Not us, Shona and I were in the living room!" protested Peter as he looked with surprise at the policewoman. Everybody turned to look sharply and shocked at Peter. Peter and Shona turned beet red in the face. Shona's eyes crossed. She belched loudly. "Did...uh...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp...did police arrest the...guy yet?" she asked while swaying her body. The policewoman looked at Shona and shook her head. Carol looked angerly at Mike. She frowned as she shot a mad glance at her husband. "This has to do with that seance tonight!" Carol shouted at Mike who just quickly looked at his face then looked away with fear and embarrassment. "What next? Is some unseen entity going to hold me down on my bed and rip off my my clothes like that gal in that house elsewhere in California?" "Wallllllllllll...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppp...I hope ya guys rest the perve! That is...if...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp...ya can charge him with assault...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!" Everybody looked at Shona who was drunkenly swaying all over the kitchen in between burps and belches. The policewoman just shook her head.


End file.
